Memories
I have no idea why this springs to mind, but as I was wrecking my car driving around Little Village yesterday, I was reminded of this guy that was, I guess, a hall monitor at my HS. Apparently, his real name was Thomas Abecket - yes like the historical religious figure - but to us he was Jesus. He had a big Jesus beard and looked like what Jesus might have looked like had his hair been graying and he owned the cheapest tweed suit on Earth. But the real Jesus must have had a better sense of humor. Our Jesus carried around this box all the time that apparently held his reworking of the King James Bible. There were a bunch of papers and a stapler, but I didn’t see the Holy Ghost in there anywhere. I don’t know where professional hall monitors are found, but this guy was really very strange. [This bit is going to lose something because lj doesn't capture his creepy, ponderous voice] But he used to say the weirdest stuff to us. Por ejemplo, he once walked up to me in the lunch room and said, “Don’t put your feet on the chairs…………Mafia men wear light colored trousers…………..and Mafia men never forget.” I’d like to think he was putting us on, but the glee with which he shooed us from our lockers leads me only to the conclusion that he was a total nutzo. Wouldn’t you love to see the recruiting office? Principals going in like a corral and picking out the weirdest fuckers they can find. “Ooh, that one is scratching himself. Ooh no! Get that one, he’s masturbating furiously!” Well, that was actually a substitute. Guess they’re in the same corral. Yea for public school.
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