Baaaaby Cobra Causes Fatality
Bully for me; I went to yoga today. But at a different place, a gym. I don’t know if it’s that my kneecaps are especially tender, but this silly woman had us on our knees a lot, and I found it very difficult. I’ll pause here while you make the obligatory joke about how I should be used to it, etc, ha ha ha. A quiet reference to calluses would have been both funnier and more subtle.
Anyway, I find that every time I do one of these group classes at a gym, I just hate the instructor. Like this woman. I’m sure she’s very lovely, but I was unaware that one could develop such a profound dislike of someone in such a short period of time. Every time she said, “And now let’s go into our baaaby cooobra” I wanted to jump up and knock her over. Every workout class I’ve ever done, I’ve gotten through on pure rage toward the person putting me through it. Takes some of the tranquility out of yoga. Cooobra.
So, I rewarded myself with sushi, and learned once again that my patronage is the only thing keeping Thai Oscar afloat. The waiter looked crushed when I told him in his empty restaurant that I just wanted takeout. I kid you not, one of the employees was asleep, slumped over one of the tables. Good sushi though. And the mingling of salmon, tuna, mango, and avocado in my mouth removed some of my homicidal tendencies towards the woman I believe is known as Jeanie.
Oh wait, the only good part was the end. Since my hip sockets appear to be comprised of poorly set gelatin dessert, the hip openers are both fun and, more importantly, easy as pie. So while the rest of the class tried in vain to reach their hand behind their backs in Pigeon, I placed my palm firmly and confidently on the floor, silently mocking their struggles. I may have the grace of a drunken giraffe while standing, but when sitting with one leg crossed in front of me and the other stretched behind, I am more similar to a stealthy jungle cat. And, after all, showing people up is what yoga is really all about.
In unrelated news, I think the Jeffersons’ theme song might be the best TV theme ever written.
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