Almost Famous
Every week, I make an effort to read The Stranger, Seattle’s version of The Reader. I started this because it’s edited by Dan Savage, local hero and author of Savage Love. I’ve taken to reading most of the columns now, mostly because I could give a shit about whatever party Liz Armstrong went to this weekend. Last Days, a sardonic recap of notable events from the previous week, is one of my favorites. So much so, that I was moved to write to Mr. Schmader last week regarding an error in his column.
The result? Last night at 3 am, with far too many tequilas in me, I saw this:
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27
The week kicks off with a fresh chapter in the Great Gross Commercial Debate of 2006. Instigating incident: a Hot Tip from Natalie of Ballard, the “vegetarian and mother of one” who expressed her disgust over the Dairy Queen commercial depicting a pair of cartoon shrimp munching through a box of DQ’s new popcorn shrimp, then shrieking in horror after realizing they’d devoured their own shrimpy children. While sharing Natalie’s grievance, Last Days commiserated by declaring Dairy Queen’s incestuous cannibal shrimp ad the most disgusting TV commercial since Mucinex coughed up that anthropomorphized phlegm wad. Today Last Days was taken to task on both points, via a pair of Hot Tips.
First is Hot Tipper Michael, who writes, “Am I the only one that found it humorous that viewers would be disturbed by a commercial that accurately depicts the diet of adult shrimp? They happen to eat their young, thousands of them, every mating season.” Dear Michael: Thank you for writing and for understanding shrimp. However, the shock of the DQ ad comes not just from the fact that the parent shrimp eat their kids, but from their horrified reaction to the “accidental” deep-fried cannibalism. While shrimp may eat their young in the natural world, it’s safe to assume they don’t reenact Sophie’s Choice every time they do, and it’s this discrepancy that cements the DQ commercial’s status as disgusting.
But, as Hot Tipper Brie asks, how disgusting is it? “I’ve not seen the Dairy Queen commercial,” writes Brie. “But I was surprised that Last Days claimed Dairy Queen had stolen the ‘most disgusting TV commercial in history’ title away from Mucinex. You’ve clearly misidentified the previous holder of that title - Lamisil, the toe fungus medication whose commercials show a cartoon fungus thingie prying open a toenail and jumping inside, inducing nausea every time.” Dear Brie: You’re right. Lamisil’s toenail-jimmying fungus is 50 times worse than Mucinex’s phlegm wad. (If we remember correctly, the Lamisil creature actually pops the infected toenail open like a car hood.) We apologize for the error.
Titillated doesn’t even begin to describe my reaction. If all else fails in this life, I’ll be able to point to this article and say, “See? I was right about something.” Well, I’ll also be able to point to the theatre review I wrote in college where I offered to sleep with Jordan Catalano/Jared Leto. I was right about that, too.
Here’s all of Last Days from this week.
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