Cheaters’ Dating Website is Fabulous
But not, like, fabulous.
For those of who that have to go to an office everyday, you may be missing out on the horribleness that is the show Cheaters. The basic premise is as follows:
- Angry partner (almost always a woman) comes to Cheaters to help her catch philandering man
- Ridiculous faux secret camera investigation is carried out - with awesome special effects
- Angry partner confronts hubby and new girlie. Much swearing, finger pointing, and, apparently, a one time stabbing of the host.
I have seen this show a total of once and quickly decided that it was totally insidious, with heavy-handed moralistic tones if not outright religiosity. Lo and behold - the one episode of Cheaters I’ve ever seen was on today! As I flipped past, I felt I recognized the horribly bleached hair of the scorned. I admit to watching past the commercial break, when the best thing ever happened:
Cheaters has a DATING service!
It’s specifically designed for people who hate cheaters. Awesome. Luckily I have a crap email account that I use specifically for times like this.
I’ve never signed up for a dating service before, but this is clearly the best one ever. [Whoa, alarming alert - we'll get back to that in a minute.]
Firstly, it asks me to fill out a basic profile. Strangely, height is the first question asked. Eye color, hair color (no auburn!?!), etc. Then the best thing ever: When asked about my sexual orientation, my only options are “straight” and “bisexual.”
I’m also asked to fill in some random blanks about myself and my dream date. I cannot leave these blank. When asked about my smoking habits, one of the choices I have is “quitting.” When discussing my drinking, however, there is no option for “quitting.” No one likes an bandwagon alkie, I guess.
I’m also asked about my race - one of the choices is NATIVE.
After filling out my profile, I can search for, I guess, for straight and bisexual men. (I wonder if you can be gay if you’re a man. It would seem to play into some awesome fantasies that women are never gay, we just like some “girl time” now and then). Here’s the best part about searching. It shows a picture on the left, and then in the box it displays their name, then their race, then their location. It’s like “Oh thank god, he’s white! Oh. He lives in Hammond.”
Going back in to edit my profile reveals that, man, race and religion are important. They’re the first two “characteristics” I can edit.
But I may not need to do any editing at all. I’ve already gotten a message and a request to chat (the alarming alert above). It’s is not from ‘bemywife,” however, so less alarming than it could be.
The site is powered by DreamMates, so I don’t think everyone on here is from Cheaters TV. Based on the number of men on here only for “intimate encounters,” they certainly don’t seem to be ascribing to the Cheaters form of fidelity. Then again, I’ve got over 600 impossibly perfect matches based on the scant details I provided. Maybe my soon-to-be better half just finished watching a girl cry her little eyes out. Hope springs eternal.
Edit: Then again maybe not. “If you are into that whole ‘people come from monkies evolutionary theory’ dont even bother.”
He really seemed like my type, too.
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