Turandot and Dog Gina
Dowdy mom-types and aging lesbians flocked to the opera tonight. In truth, they may always be there, but usually they’re interspersed in the crowd and not all in line ahead of me for the bathroom. Tonight, October the 4th, there were more unfortunate haircuts in the Balcony women’s bathroom than have ever existed together in one place. There was also a woman who deemed herself worthy of an entire mumu of paisley - it was oceanic in size.
Fashion and hair victims aside, the production of Turandot I saw tonight was amazing. It’s the 1991 David Hockney design, and it’s incredible. What little Hockney art I’ve managed to come across in my life (read: during my two years on Academic Decathlon - don’t tell) has been met with the blandest form of interest. But apparently his opera sets are stellar! At the very end, there were all these red cutouts that emerged from a scene change that I can’t even figure out how they did it. And as the music swelled, the red lights just kept going up and up. The set looked like it was either going to expode or bleed; it was breathtaking.
But enough about that. My dog is currently attempting to attract my attention by placing her nose on the keyboard and licking my fingers as I type. Perhaps she knows how pretentious I must sound.
Here is a picture of said dog, whom we have rechristened Juniper/Junebug:
She’s adorable, but, as you can see from the photo, her vagina is the size of Delaware. She just got spayed yesterday while she was in heat, so excessive vag is understandable. But she’s obsessed with it. We were told she wasn’t allowed to lick her stitches, but as far as we can ascertain, licking the gaping maw at the base of her tail is fine.
Except she’s doing it all the time. It’s annoying.
As most mothers do these days, I checked the internet for solutions to “excessive licking vagina dog.” Um, maybe she has a UTI. Searching for more solutions, I got rid of the “excessive.”
Let me tell you that my naive “licking vagina dog” search brought up a host of links that aren’t family-friendly enough even for a blog entitled, “Turandot and Dog Gina.” Oh my.
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