Death by Thrift Store
Some days it just doesn’t go very well.
Actually, let me back up. Last night I was supposed to go on an ugly sweater pub crawl with a friend of mine. She had some other friends to meet for drinks beforehand, so I dutifully went to the thrift store and purchased sweaters for us both. Long story short, she got really drunk and didn’t call me until far too late, so trip to the thrift store wasted. Except that, for the first time in a long time, the Village was jeansapalooza. The previous week, nothing. This week, insane! After buying what I consider a pretty damn cute pair of jeans, Jessica and I went back today to see what other treasures could be found.
This is when the trouble started. First, I got a staple lodged in my middle finger. It was so deep that I literally couldn’t tell which way I was supposed to pull it out. I abruptly hung up on Andrew and removed the offending metal from my fingertip. Needless to say, there are few places (aside from, say, a rusty, old pier) where I would less like metal to breach the defensive surface of my skin. Puncture wounds at the thrift store smack of future gangrene, but what can you do?
I was given ample time to consider this as, when trying on a pair of pants, another staple grabbed the tender flesh of my thumb and ripped a chunk of it off. My thumb, my hand, and the khakis I was buying for my nephew all received a good dose of blood.
The fun, however, was not yet over. Trying on a final and dead cute pair of jeans, I felt yet another staple graze my skin. My upper thighs haven’t really had the exposure to the elements that have hardened my hands, so the result was the following:
Awesome. Also note how I edited out my underwear for your viewing pleasure. For a sense of scale - they go down half my thigh. I bought the jeans, but they definitely cost more than five dollars. With any luck, they will not cost my thigh itself.
Finally, wow. A number of years ago, I looked at the Kraft Mac and Cheese nutritional information and decided that it wasn’t that bad for you. I always make it with skim milk and only one tablespoon of butter. Um, it’s horrible for you and still like 900 calories, no matter how you make it. YAY!
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