Cleaning Out Your Closet
Can yield great things, such as this story I found from my freshman year of HS that I wrote during homeroom. All you need to know is that I really disliked my homeroom teacher, and that I had previously had her for math.
Oh, let’s put it after the jump…
There Was a Little Pig
Once upon a time, there was a prince. He was very rich, and had a powerful kingdom. But he also had a small problem: he didn’t know who to marry.
There had been many princesses – squat, ugly, poor, rich, and even some pretty ones. But no one was right.
One day while dealing with his dilemma, he decided to take a walk along a road near his castle. Very soon he came upon an area where a cart had overturned. The cart was full of food and there appeared to be no owner. The price stopped and walked around the cart trying to figure the situation out.
Suddenly, he was surprised by a large, fat pig that was devouring everything in sight.
“Why, hello, little pig” said the prince.
“Who are you?” snorted the pig.
“Prince Bob. You can talk?” he said.”
“Of course,” grunted the pig, “I’m a princess.”
“Really?” the prince asked.
“Didn’t I just say that? Some dumb witch turned me into a pig,” she said, “The only way I can turn back into a princess is to be kissed by a prince.”
“Wow,” the prince said, “I’ve been searching for a princess to marry.”
“If you kiss me, I’ll marry you,” squealed the pig.
“It’s a deal,” the prince replied. “Oh, by the way, what’s your name?”
“Mary,” squelched the pig.
“Ok, here goes,” the prince said, and he kissed her on the snout.
Suddenly, there was a ‘poof,’ and a large cloud of green smoke. The prince waited for the smoke to clear so that he could see his princess. When it did, the prince was surprised.
“Hey! You aren’t a princess!” he screamed, “You’re just an ugly, old math teacher!”
And with that, he pulled a knife from his boot and flung it at her. It hit her straight in the neck (the prince had very good aim). The math teacher, who was nowhere close to a princess and had just blatantly lied, toppled over into the ditch and lay still.
The prince sighed, knowing he had lost his best knife in that mound of flesh. Then he realized that while he had not found a princess, he had done the world a tremendous good.
The End.
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