Actual Quotes From My Trip to Eungella
Quickly, because I’m paying for the internet here: I’ve been wanting to visit Eungella National Park (outside Mackay) for 3.5 years. Last time I was in Airlie Beach I chose a pre-booked hostel room over platypi, and was determined not to make the same mistake. I kind of did again (I went on a day tour instead of just booking a car, which would have been cheaper and I would have chosen to spend less time at the pie shop). But! I wouldn’t have had the wisdom of my hilarious guide, who we will call ‘Al’. The following are, as you can probably tell, actual bits of knowledge he imparted to us along the way. [By the way, any ellipses are him trailing off, not me editing for comedy.]
On Australian fowl: “There’s some ducks over there. Lots of ducks in Queensland. Lots of birds in this state. Pigeons…”
On possoms: “Well, they’re marsupials. [They h]ave a pouch, bear live young, have a vertebrae.”
On Australia: “In Australia we have these things called ‘whips’.”
On Aussie language: “In Australian ’strangle’ means ‘to choke.’”
On Agriculture: “We grow lots of exotic fruits up here. Mandarins, lychees, red crayfish (similar to your red prawns), macadamias. It’s a real agricultural area.”
On platapi: “You just have to stalk them. It’s like playing Cowboys and Indians.”
And my favorite: “Parachuters and hangliders just come right off the mountain. It’s fantastic to watch; just floating… like birds in a sack.”
I wouldn’t say the tour met the expectations I’d been building up for three and a half years. At the same time, however, it met an entirely different set of… unexpectations. I had more fun writing down these quotes than I did the entire last time I was in Airlie. Well, this time, too. Something about this down just bugs me. I can’t wait to leave.
Also, it appears to be impossible to get a coffee in Queensland that doesn’t taste like a hamster. This morning’s was better, and I know I’m becoming a bit of a snob, living with Melbourne with Atomica usually within easy reach, but still - it shouldn’t come in a parfait class with a handle. Standards, people.
As for the news, here’s some bullshit. (As The Stranger would say, And you will know we are Christians by our… noisy interruptions).
Update: Sigh. Reading this just doesn’t do the justice to the enthusiasm and character with which Al imbued these quotes. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your view), I plan on doing imitations for everyone within earshot when I get home. That includes Skype, you (un)lucky bastards.
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July 14th, 2007 at 7:56 am
I like the pigeons bit. nice. The hamster flavored coffee thing is a little appalling–mostly because somebody broke into a pet shop in the suburbs last week twice. The first time they took all of the money. The second time they fed the hamsters to the snakes, killed some cockatiels, and let all of the puppies loose. Mostly I was happy that they didn’t smash any turtles or hurt the kitties.
Who feeds hamsters to snakes though?
July 14th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Who uses them to flavour coffee??
July 15th, 2007 at 4:10 am
As I don’t make a habit of cradling hamsters in my mouth, I don’t really know if my coffee tastes like them. I imagine the experience is a little like cotton candy only with more movement and teeth.
Today is folk and roots festival! Where is brie!? I have to go alone. Sadness.