Completely Unnecessary

So everyone is all keen on Bikram yoga these days, and I got talked into doing the 7 days for 19 dollars class up the road. It’s about 35-38C (95-100F) in the room and you just sweat, sweat, sweat.

The first time was okay, the second pretty hard, and the third morning I couldn’t touch my toes anymore, so I skipped. And then skipped the fourth day because I was extremely dehydrated and had to retrieve my bike from the CBD (Evan the bartender at Toffs - your RSA (Responsible Service of Alcohol) should be revoked).

But then last night, a breakthrough - I was feeling good, got through the whole class without having to break/feel nauseous. I think it helped that the guy running the class made it more about exercising and getting through the class than on hippy shit. He was really upbeat and fun.

By contrast, my class this morning was run by a woman whose method of getting us not to focus on the heat was to say repeatedly, “Don’t focus on the heat, it’s really, really hot, but don’t focus on it.” She was also really judgmental towards a lot of people. One girl was having trouble, and I swear this is what she said:

Instructor: You’re really unfocused today.

Girl: Yeah, I’m having some trouble.

Instructor: You’re just unfocused because you want to be.

That’s some excellent help there. People who think they’re really open-minded by being hippies, but are actually really judgmental are my least favorite people. By the end of the class, I was just muttering, “Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up” instead of breathing. Annoyance got me through the class.

As I was leaving, I asked her what other classes she taught. She looked really chuffed - little does she know I’ll be avoiding the Wednesday morning and early evening classes from now on.

By the way, in case you were ever thinking, “You know, that Brie, she’s an attractive girl,” may I suggest viewing me directly after hot yoga. You’ll get that nauseous feeling even without attending the class.

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