Completely Unnecessary

I am many things, but - as anyone who has watched me move can attest - graceful is not one of them.

Charming stories of my disastrous exploits can be found here, here (with picture) and here.

My inherent calamity-proneness is why black table tops against black carpeting in dark bars are a terrible, terrible idea. And, the use of marble is also a no-no.

That part that looks yellow? That’s all a bruise (exacerbated by the fact that I slipped on the bathmat the other day and slammed that area straight into the tub. Nice.)

Anyway, so I clearly walked into a table at the bar. Fair enough.

But it was also raining that night. And as I rode home, my bike slipped riding over the tram tracks and my tire went straight in the groove. Off I went, managing - amazingly - not to damage parts I’d already damaged:

I’m happy to say that my right leg bore the brunt of the insanity, including that amazing bruise on the inside/back of my right knee. That, my friends, is a difficult place to bruise.

I think it’s worth a 9.7 from the Russian judge.

Also notice the lumpage on the knee in the bruise picture. Awesome. (The left knee also took a hit, but the left shin stayed out of it, thank god. It does not feel good as it is.)

Anyway, all these pics are four days later and my tire needs some serious truing.

To be fair though, by bike took what should have been an obscene disaster and turned it into only a few bruises and a bit of a banged knee. I still have the utmost confidence in her.

Black marble tabletops, however, are on my shit list.

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