Ted Stevens’ Trial - Already Amazing
It’s just day one of the corruption trial against Senator Ted ‘NO!’ Stevens (R-AK),* but it’s already showing signs of being my favorite thing to happen this year.
Stevens is charged with seven counts of filing false statements, the majority of which surround nearly $200,000 in renovations to his home that seems to have gone unpaid by the senator.
Corruption, you say? Not according to Stevens:
In his opening statement, Mr. Stevens’s lawyer, Brendan Sullivan, offered an elaborate counternarrative. It was a “devious” Mr. Allen who did lots of extra work on the house and misled the Stevenses into believing they had paid for all the work. Mr. Allen is expected to be the principal prosecution witness.
Mr. Sullivan also suggested he would argue that Mr. Stevens’s wife may be responsible for any confusion about the renovation bills.
…
“Catherine ran the financial part of the renovation,” he said. “Ted devoted all of his time and energy to what he had always done” serving in the Senate.
I hate it when people come to my house, jack it up and put another floor underneath it! But it’s when they outfit the whole thing, put on a garage and decks, and then ‘deviously’ never bill bill me for any of it when I really get mad!
That is just un-American, sir! Do you agree with that kind of activity, Senator?
[That was a lot of work for a rather lackluster result. Le sigh.]
The trial wraps up just before the election, at which point Stevens will get jail time or his widely-anticipated whupping at the hands of Democratic challenger, Mark Begich.
Bonus points for throwing your wife under the bus, Ted.
* - I could have gone Ted ‘Series of Tubes’ Stevens, but that meme is kind of overdone these days.
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