Completely Unnecessary

Chicago police killed a cougar in my neighborhood Monday.

I was reading along, scrolling down to see where on the northside the animal had been found. Little did I expect to see:

The animal was shot by police shortly before 6 p.m. Monday in the 3400 block of North Hoyne Avenue, police said.

That’s five blocks from my house!

My guess is that the cougar was en route to my mother’s for hugs from me, but didn’t realize that I don’t home until July. Poor bunny.

What did my loquacious mayor have to say about the incident?

“Now, I just want to tell you, if the cougar attacked a child, they’d sue the city because the police officer didn’t do their job,” Daley said”I didn’t see a neighbor run out and grab it and say, ‘Oh I love you’ and bring it in the house.”

I repeat, I don’t come home until July.

And, boy, it must have been a slow news day at the Tribune. The front page is currently rocking a photo of police covering the dead animal with a cloth. The story is an absurd 1,050 words long, and has two reporters on the byline, as well as third contributor. Which I guess you need to write that much cougar copy.

Dear lord. You’d think it was the story about the coyote walking into a West Loop sandwich shop and climbing in the drinks fridge. (Which happened right near my old work, actually. Animals love me.)

Update: There is also the most amazing/absurd photo gallery of the cougar’s crime scene. 2,4,6 are the best - the captions are incredible. And 14 would get a big tick in the ‘images of metacoverage’ box on my research coding schedule.

Link:
Cougar killed on North Side may have wandered from Black Hills [Chicago Tribune]

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Nope. It is March goddamn 21st over there.

[Photo by Bahareh]

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There are a lot of theories that explain why the media focus so heavily on law and order motifs. But the Tribune’s new(?) feature, The Blotter, is some of the strangest media fearmongering I’ve ever seen.

Mayhem? It’s not Gotham City. And is it crime or mayhem that’s responsible for the Metra death?

A ‘blotter’ is an item that soaks up excess liquids and collects it in one place. That is quite literally what the Tribune professes to do with this section - collect all the city’s blood in one place. That’s what the Metra story qualifies, despite being an accident.

Not to mention the fact that its style and placement on the screen is reminiscent of other sites‘ entertainment sections. ‘Short takes’ are usually light, fluffy stories, not murders and grisly accidents. What we have here is the infotainment-ization of Chicagoland tragedies.

This is a disgusting example of the Tribune’s long slide into irrelevance. Poor taste doesn’t really describe it. The web editor that came up with this should really be fired.

Update: Sam points out the ostensibly bloody thumb print.

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Somehow my reaction to John Stroger’s death is only to hate Daley more:

“He was an inspiration to all of us in politics,” Daley said. “He really believed government could make changes. His greatest legacy is building Cook County Hospital. When people told him that public hospitals had ended many years ago, he firmly believed people needed good, quality health care.”

Um, I believe we call that ‘Stroger Hospital.’ He cared so much about the people that he named it after himself.

The mayor also had this to say:

“After I lost the election, he supported Harold Washington,” Mayor Daley said. “There’s nothing wrong with that. That isn’t loyalty. Maybe he believed in someone. That isn’t disloyalty. It’s like after a game you shake someone’s hand.”

Um, I know we have to ask this a lot, but what in the hell are you talking about?

Meanwhile, Todd compared his father to Job, which is funny since overpaid and nepotist ‘jobs’ were what his father was all about.

This is, perhaps, unkind, and I do have sympathy for the grieving family as I would any family who lost a loved one. The number of people that sent me this news, however, belies somewhat the glowing obits run by both the Tribune and especially the Sun Times.

There is no doubt that Stroger broke a lot of barriers; he was the first African-American committeeman, a position of great power in the city. But that power went to his head, as well as the heads of the group that surrounded him. And, importantly, the group that still surrounds his son. Whatever one thinks about Stroger, he was at least a consummate politician. It’s a shame his de facto last act was to set the stage for that which currently occupies his chair.

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Chicago’s early voting has begun!

In its commitment to the phrase, ‘vote early, vote often,’ Chicago has opened 51 early voting locations around the city. If you’re already registered, you can vote at any of the locations listed here. If you’re early voting, you do not have to vote in your own ward (though you must on election day).

The locations are open from 9-5, Monday thru Saturday. They’re also open on Martin Luther King Day, which is totally a good way to spend 10 minutes on your holiday!

Early voting lasts until January 31st. If you miss it, you can vote the usual (read: boring!) way on February 5th (polls stay open til 7pm). If you vote on election day, you must vote at the location listed on your voter card (which I totally just got in the mail before I left, so don’t pretend like you don’t know where it is).

If you need to check to see if you’re registered, find out where your (election day) polling place is, or to see who’s on the ballots, click here.

Illinois has a declaratory ballot, so you have to pick which party’s primary ballot you would like. It does not have to be your party. Perhaps you’re like my dad and cross parties to vote for the weakest opposition candidate (check tonight’s Michigan results to see if that worked for DailyKos). Dubious at best, but who wouldn’t love a Obama/Keyes rematch, this time for President?

As Obama is almost certain to take Illinois by a large percentage, lefty Dems might want to take this opportunity to check out the Green Party. They’re running a field of candidates and are one of your choices for a primary ballot.

Final note: if you aren’t already registered, you can’t vote in the primary. Heart wrenching, I know, but it’s your own damn fault for being so lax in your civic duty. You can still register for the general election in November.

Patriotism moment - America requires very little of you a citizen, and gets more craptacular each year because its citizens don’t participate. It’s 30 minutes of your time every 2-4 years. Get on it.

That being said, I’m not voting in the primary because early voting opened the day after I left and I messed up my absentee procedure by going to Asia! What a hypocrite I am! All the more reason why you should show me up. I know at least several people who would be happy to rub this in my face for years. If that what it takes to participate in your democracy, I am willing to be your holier-than-thou punching bag.

Links:
Early Voting Locations
Voter Information

h/t to Gate, from whom I cheerfully stole the links and the inspiration.

ps: please do not ‘vote often’ - that is voter fraud, no matter how favorably we look upon it in IL.
pps: please do not vote for Alan Keyes - he is a bigot.
ppps: no, go ahead and vote for Keyes. I have no idea if he’s on the ballot, but that would be amazing.

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And by ‘breach’, I mean ‘flying United’. Ew.

America has been teh fun. I think I ate everywhere I needed to (though confidential to Irazu, I hope you step up the burritos back up when you get done renovating) and saw nearly everyone I needed to see.

A note to Australians: no brunches for a while. I’ve been to so many freaking brunches since I’ve been home; it’s muesli and yoghurt for the next month or so.

What craziness did I get up to for my last night in town? Um, I saw There Will Be Blood because I’m sure it won’t open until June (or later) in Oz.

Daniel Day-Lewis was amazing, but he was overshadowed by the guy playing Eli Sunday, the preacher. I couldn’t place him during the film, but he turns out to be Paul Dano, the silent brother in my totes favorite film evah, Little Miss Sunshine. I thought he was good in that wretched little movie, but he was incredible in this. TWBB dragged a bit about 3/4 through and I couldn’t figure out why until Eli turned up again. He’s like a younger, brown-eyed, American Cillian Murphy. I expect great things (which Murphy can also get on to doing any time now).

Hey, so every minute I spend blogging is one less minute I have to do all the insane amounts of crap I haven’t gotten around to doing over the past six weeks. If it can’t be left to the last minute, it isn’t worth doing. Or so my philosophy appears to go.

Lygon Street gelato in T-30 hours!

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I swore at my mother yesterday.

We went to see House’s great new production of The Nutcracker. As young Clara peeked her head around the corner, I was so surprised that I turned to my mother and said, “That’s fucking Laura Gray!”

And indeed it was. Laura and I grew up together and I’m ever so happy to see her make good (though she’s been doing successful work with her comedy group Triplette as well) at my favorite Chicago theatre.

The show was completely re-envisioned as is House’s wont (and strength). It’s the same team that did The Great and Terrible Wizard of Oz, and they delivered again with similarly creative and imaginative touches. (I am staring to think, however, that Jake Minton is a tad obsessed with snapping the necks of his characters).

The show is great and really good fun (might be a bit scary for any super little kids). Heaps of imaginative characters (especially the lithe and limber Monkey) make the show seem far too short.

House is running the show at Steppenwolf Upstairs. I’m pretty bummed that House seems to have left Viaduct for good. I’ve always really liked the huge rambling space and their ability to completely alter it for each new show. That being said, they do good things with the proscenium at Steppenwolf, too.

Tickets are a bit pricer as well ($29, $20 for students and industry) in the new space, but they’re available at HotTix, too. They’ve opened another block of tickets for the week after Christmas- which means the cast is going to be doing, I think, nine shows the final week.

If you need family-bondy Christmas ideas, I highly recommend it.

Tickets at Steppenwolf or 312.335.1650, or at Hot Tix.

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Brian informs us today that The Two Way Inn has been dubbed ‘the new Rainbo’. Oh how my tiny heart ripped in two upon hearing this news.

There are apparently now bouncers and plastic cups! If my precious $1 steins of Old Style are gone, Chicago will truly cease to be my home.

That’s the royal we (well, ‘us’) I used above. That’s how upset I am.

And now we will never discuss this again in the hopes that boatloads of hipsters were too drunk and ironic to find it again.

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I know some of you are probably at a loss to explain my rampant disgust with Todd Stroger. He’s not as visible or as powerful as someone like George Bush. Nor, however, is he as articulate.

Eric Zorn posted a link to this clip of Stroger speaking to the City Club of Chicago. I’m going to post a transcript below, but it has to be heard to be believed.

In recent years, economic experts have coined the phrase “food dessert” to support their concern for a lack of quality grocery shopping options for people living in poor neighborhoods. Well, I’m concerned that without Provident Hospital and with Michael Reese and other hospitals having problems, Chicago’s South Side might become a hospital dessert. Ooops! I should say “desert.”

That’s why I reject calls for Provident to be closed, and favor the hospital’s continued focus in providing inpatient, acute, obsta… obsta… uh oh… obstatech… I’m gonna skip that word. [I think he's starting a new sentence here] Testify before committees and actively lobby for a brand new law to effecti… ifist… oh… afich… at… Thank you, Donna… effectuate that transfer.

I believe the first word he’s searching for is obstetrics, but it’s nearly impossible to tell because he doesn’t get very far into sounding it out before giving up. I think his effort there pretty much sums up Stroger in general.

The desire for violence I feel listening to that clip is matched only by Bush’s smirk, but honestly Bush gets through his talking points more effectively. These were prepared remarks. It’s clear, as Zorn points out, that Stroger never even bothered to read them over first. One of Zorn’s commenters points out the stupidity and arrogance inherent in this:

You’re delivering a major address before the heavy hitters at the City Club, you know that people across the county already view you as an intellectual lightweight (surely he has heard the “Toddler” nickname); and yet not only do you not have your policy address basically memorized, you haven’t even read the remarks ahead of time?

God, it’s just occurred to me that “Donna” must have pronounced the word for him. At first I thought she must be his speech writer, and he was sarcastically thanking her for putting in words he couldn’t pronounce. I can’t hear anyone say anything on the clip, but she must not have been within mic range.

At least three more years, and, given how effectively his handlers (Beavers, etc) organize the South Side, he’ll probably have a term longer than his father’s. Forest Claypool and Tony Peracia must just scream into their pillows every night.

h/t to Eric Zorn, who is also a great contra dance caller. He provided the first paragraph of the transcript; the second is mine.

also h/t for the story to my mother, who feels she deserves credit for suggesting to commissioners last week via email that they hold a tax revolt like the Boston Tea Party. They’re having one tomorrow at noon at Wacker and Michigan. She’s going, but feels stiffed.

So instead, here’s a shout out to ‘the crazy lady of Seeley Ave’ - her usage, not mine - possible idea woman behind the Chicago Revolution!

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Ha, ha, ha. I laughed so hard I nearly vomited.

Though that could just be the effect of reading a story about Todd Stroger.

Unfortunately I lied in the title. The County of Cook is instead after more and more money to throw into the gaping maw of Stroger’s bloated, horrible bureaucracy.

The sole time I have campaigned for a Republican was for Stroger’s opponent in 2006. But thanks to shenanigans around the primary, further shenanigans that put Todd on the ballot, and people voting against self-interest (combined with at least the usual amount of Chicago voter fraud) he is now Board President.

But don’t worry, Todd’s a responsible manager. If tripling the county’s share of sales taxes and doubling gas and parking taxes doesn’t work, Todd’ll give your money back:

Stroger and administration officials said if they do not need that much money in future years, they will look to cut taxes or rebate money to county residents.

Awww, I laughed again. The thought of the City of Chicago or Cook County giving back money to people is too much!

I am just getting a stitch up in hur!

Now, I’m a proud tax and spend liberal (or as Sara calls it, modern day Robin Hoodery) - however, perhaps I should refine that. Taxes so that even the least among us can live without pain and undue hardship = good. Taxes so that incompetent employees and Todd Stroger’s friends (though these are commonly synonymous categories) can have high-paying county jobs = bad.

The city’s after money as well, with Daley increasing the property tax rate another 15%. My mother already pays nearly one-third of her teacher’s pension (net) in property taxes. She won’t hit the cap for another two years, so Daley’ll have plenty more money coming in.

I frequently speak with a casual smirkiness about Chicago’s corruption and bloat. Along the lines of, “You think your city has voter fraud? Allow me to share this quaint anecdote.” But seriously. Stroger wants $888 million/year, Daley $293 mil (though some of that is in fines). That’s close to $1.2 billion per year. The sales tax in Chicago would be 11%, the highest in the country.

I encourage you guys to write to your board member (which you can find here). My letter would get there after they’ve voted, but I’m sending an email.

Stroger’s $888 Million Tax Hike [Chicago Tribune]

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