Completely Unnecessary

Re: Mudflats comes word that the McCain campaign might be pondering pre-election nuptials for unlucky Alaskan teens, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston.

What’s more compelling, after all, than a (nearly in the) White House wedding? John McCain’s running mate’s daughter getting married totes makes him my presidential pick!

(But, oh man, remember how crazy Elie Bartlet’s wedding was? Oh, the guest list! And poor Will Bailey!)

Regardless, the McCain campaign should absolutely devote time, money and resources to yet another insane political stunt.

How will we be asked to discuss the wedding, should it occur? Let me guess:

• Happy happy = okay;
• Discussion of the cynical use of Palin’s daughter again = sexist.

McCain is going to lose this election for the exact same reason that Hillary Clinton did - blind loyalty to people who have led them astray. In McCain’s case, however, he’s so far off the garden path that it’s barely even amusing anymore.

This campaign is going to go down in history as remarkably inept and shockingly absurd. Michael Dukakis must be so freaking relieved.

Holy crap - those poor kids.

Vaguely Related

• Reflections on Palin’s Convention Acceptance Speech
• Privacy and Publicity at the GOP Convention

Okay, I’m just as shocked as you are.

More actually - because my internet’s been down all day, so I texted a friend this morning to see who it was. Her response of ‘He chose that woman. It came out of left field’ left me thinking it was obviously Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison.

I had predicted last night that it’d be Hutchinson if McCain couldn’t stomach Mittens. Hutchinson makes sense - she’s a strong conservative, rallies the south, etc. So I didn’t rush into uni to get up on the papers. I watched some West Wing; I cleaned the bathroom. I had more or less prepared my blog post on the topic.

So, sorry if this is stream of consciousness but… SARAH PALIN? The scandal-ridden, first-term governor from a state with three electoral votes?

That state is ALASKA, which is currently in the middle of the craziest election season ever seen. Stevens just got indicted, almost assuring a Democratic win of his Senate seat. Don Young is currently in the fight of his life in a primary against Palin’s Lt. Governor, Sean Parnell. (It’s unclear to me who will actually be running the state at this point.)

As for Palin, she’s embroiled in a scandal (currently being investigated by a legislative panel) regarding the her state trooper ex-brother-in-law. Namely, that she wanted him fired, but settled for the public safety commissioner when he refused the task.

My blog post about Hutchinson was going to question whether Clinton supporters would view the selection of a middle-aged, experienced woman as a craven bid for their votes. But, man, I don’t know what they’re going to think now.

Seriously, the thing that sticks out most in my mind about Palin is Wonkette’s continual reference to her as a GILF. (That’s been updated to VPILF by a website that, as Chris points out, created ‘an abbreviation we definitely weren’t missing’.)

Palin’s an anti-choice, social conservative. That’s going to play well with the Republican base, but the people they’re trying to lure over aren’t going to be impressed with that. She’s got a record of being anti-corruption, but is now tainted by her own alleged impropriety.

Selecting a woman (this woman at least) is actually bad for the McCain campaign. With so little to recommend her except for being a woman, it just looks like the pander it is. Worse, it makes the McCain campaign look as though they think ‘any old vagina’ can act as a stand-in for Clinton.

It also allows the Democratic Party to directly contrast the two. The ’she’s no Hillary’ ads should be in production, if they’re not already on the airwaves.

Unless Palin has some political kryptonite I’m not aware of, this is the most bewildering (if not insane) choice I’ve ever seen.

My god, Biden’s going to eat her alive in the veep debate.

Unless McCain is counting on Biden to go easy on her because she’s a girl. If the Democrats are smart, he’ll go after her on all cylinders. She’s not Clinton, which means the press is more likely to view any weakness under attack as a sign that she’s unfit to lead.

I really wish I’d come in sooner or felt like drinking earlier in the day (most of the internet cafes near my house are actually internet bars).

Wow. Sarah Palin. To give McCain his due - I definitely did not see that coming.

Vaguely Related

• This Week’s Historical and Vice Presidental Detritus
• Navigating the Sarah Palin Daughter Pregnancy Scandal

As part of a dinner party last night, I hung out with a five-year-old. We bonded over Irish dancing, and, by the time dinner was served, I’d made a new friend.

I amused her by figuring out what she’d had for dinner through her belly (it’s a ’skill’ of my mother’s, which now that I’m an adult seems pretty simple: it consists only of knowing what a kid’s eaten and then expressing great surprise upon ‘feeling’ carrots, etc.).

And then we also had this exchange:

“Excuse me. What’s your name again?”
“Brie. It’s a kind of cheese if that helps you remember it.’
“Oh, does anyone call you ‘Cheddar’?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
“Do they call you Cheddar because you talk a lot?”

I’m not sure how those two things got connected in her mind, but I’d be hard-pressed to say she’s wrong on the second count.

But she thought Avi was my dad, so just goes to show how smart she is.

Ha! I am a meek and sensitive wallflower.

Vaguely Related

• Florida Abstinence-Only Yields Bleach-Drinking Teens

In case you haven’t heard, the newest iteration of the Federal Marriage Amendment was re-introduced to Congress this week.

The amendment would, of course, protect the sacred institution of marriage from the destructive ways of teh homos and their big gay marriages.

The obvious need for such an amendment is given extra patriotic flare through the sponsorship of our nation’s two staunchest defenders of sacred unions, Senators Larry Craig and David Vitter.

Larry Craig (R-ID), as you may remember, sprung to fame last summer after attempting to solicit sex in the men’s toilets.

David Vitter (R-LA) is equally famous for hiring prostitutes.

I wish there some kind of bell or buzzer that we, as a nation, could collectively ring (or buzz) in moments of extreme irony.

It’d relieve some of the sputtering from the cognitive dissonance.

Links:
Pretty much everybody.

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I am many things, but - as anyone who has watched me move can attest - graceful is not one of them.

Charming stories of my disastrous exploits can be found here, here (with picture) and here.

My inherent calamity-proneness is why black table tops against black carpeting in dark bars are a terrible, terrible idea. And, the use of marble is also a no-no.

That part that looks yellow? That’s all a bruise (exacerbated by the fact that I slipped on the bathmat the other day and slammed that area straight into the tub. Nice.)

Anyway, so I clearly walked into a table at the bar. Fair enough.

But it was also raining that night. And as I rode home, my bike slipped riding over the tram tracks and my tire went straight in the groove. Off I went, managing - amazingly - not to damage parts I’d already damaged:

I’m happy to say that my right leg bore the brunt of the insanity, including that amazing bruise on the inside/back of my right knee. That, my friends, is a difficult place to bruise.

I think it’s worth a 9.7 from the Russian judge.

Also notice the lumpage on the knee in the bruise picture. Awesome. (The left knee also took a hit, but the left shin stayed out of it, thank god. It does not feel good as it is.)

Anyway, all these pics are four days later and my tire needs some serious truing.

To be fair though, by bike took what should have been an obscene disaster and turned it into only a few bruises and a bit of a banged knee. I still have the utmost confidence in her.

Black marble tabletops, however, are on my shit list.

Vaguely Related

• The Obama/Clinton Race and Gender Debate: In Pictures

There’s no better way to say this than has already been said:

On Tuesday the group Colorado for Equal Rights submitted 131,245 signatures to place an initiative on the November ballot that would define a fertilized embryo as a person. Voters will decide on the measure that would amend the state Constitution to extend a fertilized embryo equal rights and protections. It would define “any human being from the moment of fertilization” as a “person” for purposes of the state’s constitutional provisions “relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice and due process of law.”

Mother Jones notes that such an amendment might ‘trigger governmental investigations into miscarriages, restrict in-vitro fertilization by couples trying to conceive, and could limit birth-control methods.’

Aside from its glaring, rage-inducing absurdity and almost certain unconstitutionality, this initiative raises some amazing questions.

One of Andrew Sullivan’s readers, for instance, asks if she can move to CO and receive Social Security benefits sooner.

Could a woman be charged with manslaughter or reckless homicide for a miscarriage? Or, better yet, what if the family carries Accidental Death insurance? Given how many zygotes self-terminate, you could make a pretty penny just claiming based on statistics.

And what do we do if the fetus kills the mother, in childbirth or otherwise? Is it incumbent upon the state to try the infant for manslaughter? Can the father sue his newborn or fetus for loss of consortium, wages, etc?

And perhaps the most obvious question - how on Earth can anyone know when the moment of fertilization is? Outside of a science lab, it’s pretty darn unprovable. And even if a test was developed, I’m pretty sure it would involve the government asking a woman to put her feet in the stirrups. So let’s hope Colorado for Equal Rights has something to nix the Fourteenth, as well.

As recent years have shown, however, this initiative is perhaps just crazy enough to pass.

I mean, a veterinarian was selected by the Bush Administration to head up the Office of Women’s Health in 2005. (Alderson was quickly removed after a number of groups justifiably lost their minds.) Minnesota’s Right to Know laws required doctors to provide state-scripted information on abortion that defied medical science. Missouri lawmakers are trying to get Plan B regulated as an abortifacient.

Anyway ladies, I suggest looking into Accidental Death insurance, just in case. If we move to Colorado, natural self-termination might be the new sugardaddie.

H/T: Andrew Sullivan via Mother Jones

Vaguely Related

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• Bush Admin Memo: Birth Control Equals Abortion

First off, apparently some people don’t think it’s a good idea for George Stephanopoulos to run debates between Clinton and Obama. I mean, they’re acting like he used to be one of Bill Clinton’s main communications staffers…

Oh.

I mean, they got round to policy after the first hour. So what?

[Actually, the original version of the NYT debate story, which they since replaced with this, was hilarious. The writing practically screamed, 'I SUPPORT OBAMA!' I can't be assed to find it, unfortunately - it's late. The second one seems more pro-HRC.]

Meanwhile, over in Iraq… you must be fucking kidding me.

And lastly - the drought got a shout out in the NYT! (Plus, and one of my students told me today that the SA incest couple made it onto Perez Hilton.)

We’ve arrived, Australia.

Links:
Ourage as ex-Clinton Staffer Runs Debate [the Age]
Iraq Cracksdown on Seatbelt Scofflaws [NYT]
A Drought in Australia, a Global Shortage of Rice [NYT]
Clinton Uses Sharp Attacks in Tense Debate [NYT]

Vaguely Related

• No related posts.

I was beating myself up earlier today because I promised myself that I would stop looking for references for my thesis and, you know, actually read them. And then I added at least six more…

I’m currently cruising at over 60 references, and will probably only need about 30 of them.

So what about this feels good?

I just started reading this woman’s Masters thesis that I found via Google Scholar, and I totally caught her plagiarizing! Plagiarizing, in fact, one of the other references I read tonight, Devitt (1999)!

It was a hard to locate reference, I know, but she could have at least changed the wording a wee bit more.

Busted!

Luckily, she’s graduated, and I don’t really care that much.

And really, her writing is more shocking than the stealing. If her uni let her pass, a little bit of plagiarism clearly wasn’t going to make the difference.

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Pat Buchanan wrote a piece in which he actually said African-Americans (or ‘blacks’) should be grateful they were brought to America as slaves:

First, America has been the best country on earth for black folks. It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known.

Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American.
…
We hear the grievances. Where is the gratitude?

So vile do I find these words (and the piece as a whole) that I had serious doubts about even posting them on this space that belongs to me. In the end, however, I reckon the more people that see this kind of hate the better.

As a side note, he continually refers to Obama as ‘Barack’ - which, as I believe we’ve covered by now, is a way of belittling your opponent. Usually, only women and children are referred to by the first names in the press. See, for example: Hillary.

Given the tone, I think the word Buchanan would really like to use is ‘boy,’ but he doesn’t have the cajones. Don’t worry, Pat, we know what you meant; you have gall aplenty.

[Actually, I'm so pissed about this, I'm not even giving him pageviews. I've taken two screen captures of the article, and you can read it after the jump. Enjoy my commentary, which I'm pretty sure makes this reasonably legal. Give Jezebel the pageviews instead if you want a link.]

(more…)

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Is there a critical mass for cognitive dissonance?

This link will take you to video of Fox Friend Brian Kilmeade stomping off the set after his co-hosts refuse to stop slamming Obama.

The clip includes what appears to real footage of Chris Wallace defending Obama’s comments, criticizing Fox & Friends for taking an Obama quote out of context, and belittling a slack-jawed Steve Doocy over the amount of time spent bashing the candidate.

Um. Seriously, if I watch it a third time, might my brain actually explode?

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