Completely Unnecessary

Howard Fineman’s written a piece for Newsweek in which he claims that, however the four primaries go tonight, Clinton will face pressure to bow out. He mentions that a friend of his, ‘calculator in hand,’ has showed him the math and Clinton will not be able to eek out a popular victory.

If Clinton stays, he says, the attacks are only going to get dirtier on both sides - though he only mentions what the Clinton camp might dredge up. (To be fair, he’s referencing a quote from Dean, which may have only been about the Clinton campaign; I can’t watch MSNBC, so I’m not sure. Either way, Obama hasn’t been a blushing violet.)

I’ll say this again, March 9, 2004 - the earliest we’d ever selected a Democratic nominee. I know we started the process a bit earlier this year, but as Clinton herself mentioned last night on The Daily Show, her husband didn’t lock up the nomination until June! If we don’t even make it that far this year, it’s going to be sad.

If Clinton has the audacity to stay in a race in which she’s receiving a great deal of popular support, maybe the two could discuss policies. You know, like education. Maybe Tim Russet could ask a question that wasn’t about whatever crap attack is going on this week.

I would love to see the two of them buy some airtime - maybe one hour. They could just sit and actually discuss topics without a moderator. We could rely on the two of them to be decent humans and have a talk about policies that are going to matter.

(I’m not in my kitchen anymore, so no jigging.)

Update: I got to watch some MSNBC via Wonkette. Yeah, Clinton’s getting a fair break in the media.

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Or to the tragedy of what Jon Stewart calls ‘9/11 Tourette’s’. This Daily Show clip is one of my favorites in recent months - Giuliani actually takes a phone call from his wife whilst speaking to the NRA. Jon finishes the phone call for him:

‘I’m sorry, what’s that honey? You want me to bring home some bullets? Armor-piercing, hollow-point Cop Killers. Alright… Okay, shoot ya later, 9/11′

And the thing I love about comedians and low-polling presidential contenders is that they can say what everyone else is thinking. For instance, here’s Joe Biden on Giuliani last night at the debate:

There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11. I mean, there’s nothing else. And I mean it sincerely. He is genuinely not qualified to be president.

That is the truest and best thing I’ve heard about Giuliani the entire cycle.

It’s almost a shame that Biden doesn’t live down here - I think he’d be Prime Minister in Australia. They really appreciate the off-the-cuff wit that is so lacking in American politics. You get points for being a good debater, especially if you can work in snarky, hilarious quips.

A Pitched Debate: Clinton Hears It From Her Rivals [NYT]

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Firstly, the FEMA thing. I love things that get on my dad’s radar because then I get the equivalent from him of what I give to you all when I’m not talking about puppies.

If you’re a federal agency that everyone wants to nail, why on earth would you stage a fake press conference with questions by your own staff? Why? Why waste everyone’s time with the exposure, the newscycle about how dumb you are, the inevitable Congressional investigations? Anyway, that’s enough about that.

I also read in Editor and Publisher that Stephen Colbert could be the front runner within a month. Sigh.

Okay, I totally heart Colbert and I think the stunt he’s pulling is vaguely amusing and highlights the ridiculousness and theatricality of the primary process… if it were in a different state.

If he were doing this in a Super Tuesday state or Florida (that’d learn them to move their primary) I would be more or less behind it. But he’s chosen South Carolina. It’s the fourth primary, one of the key states that’s going to determine the presidential candidates.

I realize that, the way the system is supposed to run, this shouldn’t matter. If the conventions were real nominating conventions instead of bland coronations, I would totally back Colbert. But it’s not the way the system works right now. We got Kerry because of a scream. I don’t want Mitt Romney choosing (what, probably three?) Supreme Court justices because of Colbert.

This is the first time in 28 years it’s an open field (no incumbent or veep running) and this is probably the best chance the Democrats have to break up the New Republican Majority. Only two of the last seven presidents have been Democrats - that’s two Dems in nearly 40 years.

I should also say that if he were mounting a full, nationwide presidential bid, I would be less against this. I wouldn’t support him, obviously, but he would affect everything in the system instead of just one very important facet. I just fear that swinging out South Carolina could have an impact on the strength of the Democratic candidate, or help choose a stronger Republican candidate (though I’m not exactly sure who I think that might be).

This just really isn’t the time to be messing around in the gears of our democracy. It’s not doing so well as it is.

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Why do they always come from Jon Stewart? Today (or yesterday, who the hell knows when it is there), we had “New York’s least conservative mayor, Jewington Analplay,” with accompanying photo.

This is, of course, up there with Jon’s message to Iran the other month:

“Hey Iran, what are you doing? Do you know how hard we’re working over here to keep President Bombsalot from throwing down on you guys?”

But my favorite place to do all my War on Christmas shopping is at ‘Osama’s Homobortion Pot ‘n Commie Jizzporium‘.

It’s your one-stop-shop for everything homobortiony.

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Earlier there was misanthropy - brought on by general stupidity and watching Black Books, lovingly provided by Violetta. A gereral, “Yeah! Fuck that,” was present in my bedroom.

But now, Jon Stewart has used the word “Oh-tay!” and life seems better. There’s video, which is good, but the code is weird and I don’t feel like dealing with it (if you want to find the episode, it’s 7 May), so instead you only have this picture:

A couple years ago, seven-year-olds tried to correct me on the pronouncing of “Oh-tay”. I hope they’re now all throughly rebuked. Damn kids these days.

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This is a great interview. And I’m not just saying this because of the whole wanting-to-have-Jon-Stewart’s-babies thing. Amazingly, a comedian has emerged as one of the most articulate, rational minds of a generation. I’m pretty serious about this. It’s not so much that he says things that are incredibly new or bold - other people are saying them - but his ability to put them plainly and without a lot of bullshit are what make him amazing. Moyers says basically the same thing and is clearly in awe of him as well. Moyers, however, is both a man and too old, so I’m still in the running.

Check out some of the transcript after the jump. (I love PBS - I was thinking about how I didn’t have time to do a transcript of the sections I wanted, and then I scrolled down. Thanks!)

(more…)

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So, Iraq? Kinda bad. If you’re a presidential candidate, I don’t really think it should be used as a punchline, even if you are on The Daily Show.

I’m a little behind because of my stupid download limit. So I don’t get to download see TDS as often as is obviously necessary. I’m just watching the John McCain interview from the 25th on Crooks and Liars, and John McCain must be off his face. So far we have:

Talking about his trip to the Baghdad markets:

I had something really picked out for you, too. It’s a nice little IED to put on your desk.

And…

What Mike and all of us were saying [about the markets being like Indiana] is that they take all plastic, and so that’s good.

Seriously, what is going on inside his head? Aside from continuing with the ‘Bomb Iran’ song, McCain thinks the horribleness in Iraq, including roadside bombs, are ‘a funny’. Jon Stewart is a satirist, so gallows humor is appropriate, but John McCain is, and at this point I hate to say it, a political opinion leader in the US. His job is serious - not mirthful. Not to mention that it’s absolutely horrific for someone who wants to take over this disaster in a year and a half to be poking fun at the misery that Iraqis experience on a daily basis. McCain talks like he was a hero because he was the first to tour that market after the big bombing, and then turns around and makes fun of their suffering.

He toured that market with soldiers and helicopters and thinks IEDs are funny. He’s completely lost the plot.

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Samantha Bee has coined what is clearly my favorite new word. Check it out in its full, glorious context:

“If your kind had your way, we’d only hire ugly pages. Let me tell you something, Jon, the day the halls of Capitol Hill are filled with the pasty-faced and flat-chested instead of firm, nubile, bedockered pubescents is the day the congressmen will have won.”

Bedockered. It’s no attackatory, but what is?

Bee’s clip is right at the end, but it’s a good view all around, including the phrase, “Opus Gay.”

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