Completely Unnecessary

My American phone is a more sophisticated creature than my Australian phone (the biggest advantage is that when people want to talk to me on it, I can (sometimes) hear the words they’re speaking - insane, I know).

The text message capability is particularly advanced. After typing in just a couple letters, it will suggest longer words that you might be too lazy to type. (This doesn’t get used much since I’m used to typing in every godforsaken letter on my Samsung.)

I was typing ‘eek’ in a text message tonight, but the combination (335) comes up as other things first - such as ‘del’ and ‘eel’.

And, to my immense surprise, ‘felledefoo’.

Erhm, okay phone. That is not a word; I checked.

Well, I checked Google - and it appears that this guy’s friend has the same phone as me.

I am thinking about writing to Dan Savage and offering it up as a contender for the next naming contest he has. I mean, it’s already in my phone - might as well have a function.

ps - I also just scraped up my arm falling down the basement stairs for the umpteenth time. Ah, the sweet graze of stucco. Nothing says, ‘I’m home!’ like careening uncontrollably down a flight of stairs. (I caught myself about five down - hence the stucco burn on my elbow and the fledgling bruise on my left ribs.)

Vaguely Related

• This Week in Crash, Boom, Bang
• Small World

The thing that sticks out most in my mind is the Dallas theme song used for the Palin and McCain videos. Nothing says ‘we understand the working folks’ like culture referencing a 1980s television show about rich people.

For serious.

Looking forward to the McCain greenscreens. Even stormtroopers will make that tie look better than the White House lawn.

Palin was the star of the convention for sure, but she was talking to people who were going to vote Republican anyway. Maybe she’ll get them to come out to the polls, but that’s really the most gain I think they’re going to see from her.

McCain didn’t say a whole lot. For all the policy he promised, it was more like “Democrats will raise your taxes” [by repealing Bush's tax cuts that McCain used to oppose], and the like.

The 9/11 video was out of control. The use of the close-up shot of the fireball coming out of the second tower - to rising music, nonetheless - was damn near pornographic. Congrats on breaking that cherry, Republicans.

Overall, I thought the Obama/Biden combo was better (surprise!), but those two speeches have been sort of lost in the clatter over Palin, the hurricane and the RNC this week. But I don’t think the RNC pulled over any independents and/or liberals. And I don’t think they can win Bush’s 2004 map.

I wonder if anyone will be doing any polling this weekend?

Vaguely Related

• Reflections on Palin’s Convention Acceptance Speech
• Last Day of the Conventions Liveblog

Given the fact that I’m routinely told that people’s first impression of me is ‘terrifying’ (and here I am just a snugly little panda), I am sometimes amazed by the things people to whom I haven’t even been introduced will say to me.

Will it surprise you to find out that there’s an example?

Perhaps it’s my penchant for dodgy karaoke bars, but here is an actual interaction I had last night:

Some Guy: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Some Guy: You’re a pretty girl with nice boobies.

Me: That is… not a question.

Some Guy: Oh yeah. Can I try that again?

Me: By all means.

Some Guy: There’s a beautiful girl here with nice boobies.

Me: Yeah, still not a question.

He later informed me that I had a ‘nice ass’. It was also not in the form of a question.

A girl could want for a larger pool of adjectives.

I can’t decide if I’m a good feminist or a bad feminist for thinking this was a hilarious interaction. (I was more annoyed by the random who decided to play with my hair at one point - because, no touching).

So here’s the question - why do I appear to frighten those who wind up becoming my friends, whilst people I would never associate feel totally at ease with me?

Are you guys just masochists?

It’s my nice boobies, isn’t it? They’re so nice, it’s scary.

Vaguely Related

• Small World
• How My Friends View Me

Or not me.

Chris sends me a link to this video today, with instructions to watch the Chicago section at 2:25:

I’ve watched the girl in the center like a hundred times now. That’s fucking got to be you.

Chris’ filthy mouth aside, he’s almost right. The girl, standing a little bit in front of the crowd making an ostentatious fool of herself ought to be me.

But it’s not.

An edited version of our conversation says more about how my friends view me (and how I view myself) than just about anything else:

Me: That’s not me - though I grant that her spastic movements might lead you to think that.

Chris: It’s a combination of things. The glasses and hair are reminiscent of yours, as is the “I’m being funny right now” facial expression. And the black tank top/cropped pants combo seems like a plausible outfit for you. I feel like if you were to replace whoever that is, the difference in grainy internet footage would be pretty much indistinguishable.

Me: Yeah, it’s really the mouth-open facial gesture during the ’sexy bit’ that makes it seem like me. If she’s from Chicago maybe it’s just something they taught us in public school.

Between this and the girl from Iowa, I’m not as unique and precious a flower as I’ve always assumed.

Though I am disappointed that Chris thinks I would wear those shoes.

(Btw: To Matt, the creator of the film - why such short shrift to Melbourne? We get half a second of Fed Square at 0:56 and that’s it!)

Vaguely Related

• Small World
• Wind (and a little bit of media studies!)

What is this photo?

The burned out skin, the lack of top teeth, the creepy, creepy thing that’s going on with the eye?

What is that? It looks like she’s got a coin jammed in it.

Actually, turn your head to the side for a second and then look at it.

The forehead and eyebrow region seem sunken in. Is this some computer animation of what the ideal orgasmic woman would look like?

She/it looks more like a corpse than a woman achieving ecstasy.

Assuming that some guy made this image, I think I know why 65% of Australian women are ’sexually disfunctional.’

Which cracks me up, by the way.

Moving to the article, the caption underneath the leading photo - of a naked man and woman in a hot tub - reads:

Professor Marita McCabe says many sexual problems are ‘very likely to be about the relationship rather than the woman’

So we’re broken, but it’s only half our fault? Awesome.

Hilariously the captioning makes it seem like Professor Marita McCabe is the woman in the hot tub. She might be - it’s actually completely unclear.

The article ends as charmingly as it began:

Attempts to develop a so-called female Viagra have so far failed.

Creepy sunken forehead demon is only half of the joy of theage.comau right now. (Sorry, thumbnail’s all stretchy unless they’re centered; WP’s new photo thingie not so awesome actually.)

Including the Joy of Sex article, there are a total of five sex-related stories gracing the top of the site. Five out of thirteen stories in the main section; four out of the top six featured stories.

All I can say is if theage.com.au can’t get you in the mood, not even female Viagra could help your frigid, huge vagine.

(I should thank the Age - I’ve been wanting a reason to link that video forever.)

Vaguely Related

• Cannibals, Whores, Child Molesters: The Age Has It All!
• Well, gosh, mister!

This clip has everything!

• American voters condescendingly explaining to a foreigner that both Democratic nominees can’t win the nomination! (0:11)
• The Russian reporter implying that our country might devolve into a second Civil War! (0:30)
• Voters calling Clinton a bitch and imitaing that horrible face the press is always publishing her making! (1:00)
• Voters having trouble negotiating the voting booth drapery! (1:20)
• A grumpy lady in a loud blazer who just. can’t. walk. away… (1:30)
• Political kitch collecting in your basement (just like my uncle)! (1:48)
• A white woman and a black man described as ‘unusual people!’ (2:10)
• The Bill Clinton memorabilia you’d hoped never to see (2:19)
• Clinton writhing going on and on and on (2:30)

Enjoy (except the last bit, which might make your eyes bleed…) :

Via GoogleNews

Vaguely Related

• Obama as Vice President?
• Just When You Thought It Was Over

They’re, like, actually celebrating it. This is the headline currently running on the Trib’s website:

In celebration of “4/20,” here’s a dime bag’s worth of marijuana facts.

Given the paper’s traditional conservative bent, I was expecting something along the lines of, ‘Pot will turn you into a useless hippie, hippie.’

I certainly did not expect a reasonably attractive graphic containing anecdotes about Louisa May Alcott stories. Or this:

6. Marijuana interferes with short-term memory so users forget what they just said or did. Marijuana interferes with short-term memory so users forget what they just said or did.

This is kind of screwing with my conceptions of the Tribune, but it does explain the cougar captions…

Vaguely Related

• I Wasn’t Home, Cougar. No Hugs…
• Wind (and a little bit of media studies!)

Chicago police killed a cougar in my neighborhood Monday.

I was reading along, scrolling down to see where on the northside the animal had been found. Little did I expect to see:

The animal was shot by police shortly before 6 p.m. Monday in the 3400 block of North Hoyne Avenue, police said.

That’s five blocks from my house!

My guess is that the cougar was en route to my mother’s for hugs from me, but didn’t realize that I don’t home until July. Poor bunny.

What did my loquacious mayor have to say about the incident?

“Now, I just want to tell you, if the cougar attacked a child, they’d sue the city because the police officer didn’t do their job,” Daley said”I didn’t see a neighbor run out and grab it and say, ‘Oh I love you’ and bring it in the house.”

I repeat, I don’t come home until July.

And, boy, it must have been a slow news day at the Tribune. The front page is currently rocking a photo of police covering the dead animal with a cloth. The story is an absurd 1,050 words long, and has two reporters on the byline, as well as third contributor. Which I guess you need to write that much cougar copy.

Dear lord. You’d think it was the story about the coyote walking into a West Loop sandwich shop and climbing in the drinks fridge. (Which happened right near my old work, actually. Animals love me.)

Update: There is also the most amazing/absurd photo gallery of the cougar’s crime scene. 2,4,6 are the best - the captions are incredible. And 14 would get a big tick in the ‘images of metacoverage’ box on my research coding schedule.

Link:
Cougar killed on North Side may have wandered from Black Hills [Chicago Tribune]

Vaguely Related

• Chicago Tribune Celebrates 4/20
• Wind (and a little bit of media studies!)

This is the text I just sent to my housemates:

Beware the couch. It is alive with ants - a problem for which I have no immediate solution.

I vacuumed, but I don’t think that’s going to cut it.

I feel itchy now.

Vaguely Related

• Well, Felledefoo to You, Too!
• Useful Boys

It appears I’m already in Iowa, sporting my old haircut:

Seriously, what is this about?

Ps - Call me, dopplegangtrix.

Vaguely Related

• Mike Huckabee Ruins Iowa
• Mike Huckabee Nearly Ruins Deer